How Coffee Sunk My Mood

The reason I cut back.

Myfirst sip of coffee was at my grandmother’s house. I remember the soothing warmth against my hands and the nutty, complex taste that made the world a little quieter. It was love at first sight — to the surprise of my grandmother, who had expected me to spit it out and cry.

This love of coffee continued into my teenage years and then skyrocketed in my twenties; I bought my first machine that could make anything from milky lattes to full pots of coffee. At this point, I was Twitch streaming full time , anywhere from 8–12 hours of streams daily. The routine was great— I streamed, drank coffee, and slept like a rock — but that changed once I got closer to thirty.

“I don’t really like coffee, she said, but I don’t really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either. ”
― Brian Andreas

Coffee didn’t do it for me anymore. Instead of feeling energized, I felt exhausted. It wasn’t your typical wrong-side-of-the-bed exhaustion— it was the kind that made you want to fall asleep standing up. This was awful for streaming, which was a medium for me to be noisy and outgoing.

That’s when I tried stronger stuff. The good stuff. Okay, not that good. I’m talking about “super coffees” loaded with caffeine and tiptoed the line between coffee and jet fuel. It was great at first. My energy came back so intense that people probably thought I was on something, and it allowed me to stream the way I wanted.

That didn’t last long.

Photo by Tavis Beck on Unsplash

With more caffeine came more intense crashes, heart palpitations, and horrible sleep. There were nights when I laid in bed thinking, I finally killed myself with this stuff, due to my heart fluttering like a sick moth. A serious lifestyle change was in order.

I used to think energetic = fun = being liked. After cutting back on coffee, I appreciate feeling relaxed and comfortable more. My entire personality is different.

  • I’ve had a drop in anxiety — less overthinking, stress, and social jitters
  • I feel more focused and clear-headed
  • My confidence has increased
  • Better sleep at night (more dreams too!)
  • I’m consistently more productive and creative

“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

I still love the taste of coffee and drink it every day. In moderation. This experience made me realize that you should pay close attention to how your eating and drinking habits affect your mood. Even coffee can change your personality — it did for me.

Thanks for reading!

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